Thursday

 Well Yesterday was crazy I was on yahoo and I think Craig was trying to make me mad because I seen on his im that ” found that someone” I was like I am not going to sweat it so I but on mind I guess your love was nothing but a lie. I don’t know if he seen it or not but after a while he changed his saying.. I just don’t get what he up to and what he thinking. I know I have to put it behind me and try to get over  it. But it’s So hard. I just don’t know what to think any more it so true tho. if he tolled me he loved me So much then why end it why put me threw So much then take it all away. and try to shut me out his life. I did So many things for him in my life time. I am Stick of it always Heather did this and Heather did that I know it was never him. I hate when ppl say well I should give him space and they always Q me about thing’s  like it’s all my fulte well its not. I was the nice 1 in everything. I know I fucked up so many in my past but I grew from that and after all that I still came back to him  I was always there for him. I gave up a lot of things for him. I never have done that for a man befor.. I just don’t get him.. 1 day he will open them eye’s of his well I am going to go for now  am sick as shit right now with the Flu/Cold So I have to get better and not worry so much well bye 4 Now..

Wednesday

 well I had a convo wit Sami yesterday about Craig. She asked me y did I keep getting off ever time he did and I would get on ever time he would.. like it matter’s me and him are still not talking it’s been like a month. So it’s what ever. I wasn’t to plz to see what comment she left on his page it makes me Q everything around me. I know it mite of been a joke in all but y put something like that n y put him befor me on her page it really makes me q’s a lot of thing’s  I am just sick of everything  I feel like ppl see has Heather did everything Craig didn’t do shit ppl don’t even know 1/2 the bull shit I been threw with him. they just say that because he know’s how to sweet talk everyone and try to fill their heads. It take a real man to amet what they have done. I don’t get out of 8 yr’s y drag me a long and tell you love me just to end up breaking my heart  what was the point of it. I am just sick of everything around me.. I just look back on a lot of thing’s and it helps me move on. like all the words he has tolled me in the past about the whole baby thing and him putting his hands on me and the lie’s and So on . I just need to look a head and try to find a man that worth my time. I don’t want to be treat like shit any more. I am going to be 25 soon I don’t have time for games. Craig never going to open his eye’s and see that I really love him.  I tolled sami I was the only girl waiting for him when he got out I don’t see any one else. but I guess that doesn’t matter to him. 1 day he will grow up till then he going keep on being mean in so many way’s  I just don’t get y he would be so mean to me after everything that I was done. I just don’t get him he tolled him over and over he a change  man but I don’t see it all I see is someone thats going to be mean to me and break my heart over and over again. I know  I should tell my self why do I let him do this to me. I really need to tell my self I need better in my life and he just wasn’t it for me at 1 point in my life he was but that has all changed because he made it that why and he wants it that way well I shold head to sleep in a lil while it like 4 am and I should really be thinking about this  well night night..

Weekend

 here go’s another Weekend, I have no idear what going to go on for the Weekend, I know I am going to spend it alone, I just don’t want to think about last weekend I just want things to get better for me, Well I looked at C myspace and I see that he added more girl’s ya I would have to say at 1st it did bug me but I have to look past that rigt now, I have  so much on my mind I have to Stop think about maybe should could of would of I really have to stop looking down a pone my self and Look at the biger pic of thing’s and I have to tell my self if he really loved me he would stayed with me but if he doesnt then  I just have to look a head of my self and look on, I know  it came to my self that its so hard  I have that feel like its the end of the World and it’s not I just have to look as I had a past and I was happy and I loved him so much and I still do but that has to change, I need to change as a person by holding on its not going to help me in any kind of way I have to think strongely about everything in life I just cant always be Sad well I am going to get sum Sleep I am So tired it’s almost 6 am Night

Jan Wednesday 21

 well  I had another day of not talking to Craig, I really dont know whats going on with him, I am tryig to thank about it as much as I can but it hurts deep down in side, I know I have to get over it and move on but that the hardst part for me. I just look back at all that I been threw with him and all the good time’s then I looked in my closet and I found things for the pest whe we were going to have a baby it just choke me up in side. I just dont get how he cant care about things like that. I guess I think about the lil things in life and things that matter the most to me, I just wish he didn’t act the way he acting and look at the biger pic in life.Ya don’t get me wrong I know he has a lot going on in his life. I know I don’t do much with mine but Still I never would treat him that way I always put him 1st when it came to everything. I just don’t know that he thinking I try to tell him all the time to open up to me I know their a lot I don’t want to hear about but  I have my reason why I don’t and they are really good 1’s because I don’t need to get up set about the pest I just want to look a head and try to be Happy with my life and everything that going on in it even know it’s the most hardst thing to do right now because I feel like everthing around me is crashing like I am losing my self all over again and I keep telling my self why over and over and that I what did I do wrong,, I just don’t know what to do any more about a lot of thing’s the only thing I can do is be me and try to be Happy even when I am sad and upset. I try not to put up  a wall as much as I can but when you hurt so much that all you can pretty much do. All my life I was thinking I would be this happy person and that I would always be with the love of my life.If I only could turn back the hands of time I would in a heart beat  back to my Teen’s when I was with Craig and we were so in love and we didn’t have a care in the world because We had each other and we were so happy..well for now all I can do is look back on those times and wish I had them but for now I just have to tell my self I’ll be ok and get threw life even if it is on my own  Well  I should head to Sleep in a lil while I don’t really have much more to say So bye 4 Now…

Jan 20 Tuesday

well another day with out talking to Craig and I know he was online to day on yahoo but I choice to not talk to him, I am just to broken heart to, I was So nice to him but he end up being so mean to me, thinking all a long he changed but I don’t think he has, So why should I try with him so hard I need someone in my life that’s going to love me for me and stop playing games with me, I just need to look back on everything and tell my self I don’t need to put my self threw that again,  So I think I need to just move on and try to be me n Be happy, and put everything behind me  I did what I had to do, I left many marks in my life time on everyone now it has to be about me and what Heather wants,, I just pray to God thing’s work out the way they should and I find that right person sum day,, till then I am just going to work on what makes me Happy…. well for Now I am going to go bye 4 Now,,,

Broken </3

 wow I can’t Believe the Sunday I had Craig didn’t come over at all this weekend we got in to it and he end up breaking up with me :’-( Idk know with him we got mad at each other I was trying to be nice to him, I tolled him I miss him n that I love him, he was like I don’t need this shit n so on, I just think from now on I shouldn’t talk to him because it’s going to hurt way to much, I try with him I really do I love him So much I wish he could see that but I don’t think he will ever, He just going end up wit someone who dont give a Shit  1 day he will find out, Well I am going to Head to Sleeo in a lil while, Night

long Weekend

 its the Weekend it’s almost over I was thinking all along my weekend would be great but it didn’t turn out to be Craig didn’t come over well he said he was going to try to come Tommrow, I know I should be happy that I am with him in all but then again I look at the past and I am So un sure that thing’s are going to work out, I want them to I just have a feeling he just not in to it any more like he use to,  I don’t know why I get that feeling from him, I am just scard that the pest is going to happen all over again and I know I shouldn’t be thinking about it, But I don’t want to get hurt again, I love him with all my heart I really do,  I guess just being far from him for So long bring so many other feeling’s up, I just want him for once say yes thats my Girl I love her, I don’t want to be sum scret to everyone I want it to be knowed, I just don’t get whats up with him I really don’t I know I talk to him every day and night since he been out of jail, I just wish I didnt have that feeling like he still so far away from me, I know he lives at his Mom’s and things are really hard on him, But I want to be there for him, I know I can’t be with him every min of the day, I just hope are feelings get deeper for 1 another because I don’t want to lose him, I care and love him So much, I lost him so many other time’s and I know he keep’s coming back to me, and I know on my part I am not going to fuck this up this time I don’t want to do anything to hurt him, I just hope he dosn’t do anything to hurt me, I really want to work on what we have, I just don’t want any 1 or anything to fuck it up, So far thing’s are going really good, I love talking to him he means more to me then life it self, and I can’t deal with losing him again, and if it dose then I really have to cut my self off  I can’t get hurt any more I couldn’t deal with it,, I just really need to watch out on everything thats going on,, Well I should get sum Sleep soon because I don’t know if Craig going to come or not,, will See well Night Night 4 Now,,

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